Is Your Teen Having Friendship Issues? You Can Help.
Friendships are at the heart of teenage life. They provide belonging, connection, and a sense of identity during one of the most socially and emotionally intense stages of development. Yet, these same friendships can also be turbulent, marked by shifting dynamics, peer pressure, and sometimes exclusion or conflict.
This week in our Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, parenting coach, speaker, and author of 'How to get your teenager out of their bedroom', Anita Cleare shared insights on how parents can support their teens when friendship issues arise. Drawing on her 20+ years of experience in family support, Anita offered both reassurance and practical strategies for these friendship flare-ups.
The Complex Dynamics of Teen Friendships
Teenagers’ brains are wired to be highly sensitive to social signals. This heightened awareness makes peer relationships incredibly important, but also incredibly fragile. Small conflicts can feel overwhelming, and shifting group dynamics may leave teens questioning their place in the world.
Girls often encounter relational aggression - forms of social exclusion, gossip, or subtle positioning within friendship groups.
Boys may face challenges that revolve more around status, popularity, or perception among their peers.
While these patterns may differ, the common thread is that friendship struggles can lead to stress, anxiety, and a sense of isolation. Understanding this helps parents step into their role with empathy and perspective.
The Role of Parents: Empathy First, Solutions Later
When your teen opens up about friendship struggles, the instinct may be to jump in with advice or warnings. But Anita emphasised that the most powerful response is often the simplest: listen and empathise.
By acknowledging their feelings - without judgement - you help your teen feel heard and supported. This builds trust and encourages them to continue coming to you when things get tough.
Parents can also empower their teens by encouraging autonomy. Instead of providing ready-made solutions, guide your teen to think through their situation and explore possible next steps. This not only builds confidence but also teaches them essential problem-solving skills they’ll need well into adulthood.
And don’t underestimate the power of modelling healthy relationships. Teens learn just as much from observing how parents handle friendships, conflicts, and boundaries as they do from direct advice.
Navigating Specific Challenges
Teen friendship challenges don’t look the same for everyone. Here are a few key areas Anita highlighted:
Toxic Friendships
If your teen is in a friendship that feels unhealthy, resist the temptation to say, “You need to stop being friends with them.” Teens are more likely to push back if they feel controlled. Instead, ask reflective questions: How do you feel after spending time with this friend? or What qualities matter most to you in a friend? Over time, this helps them recognise patterns and make their own decisions.
Online Interactions
The digital world magnifies friendship dynamics - sometimes making them even more intense. Boundaries are essential. Simple practices, such as no phones in bedrooms overnight, can protect teens from late-night anxieties and constant comparison. Pair these rules with ongoing, open conversations about what’s happening online.
Teens with Anxiety
For anxious teens, friendship struggles can be especially hard. Negative thoughts may spiral into “I’ll never have any friends” or “Everyone dislikes me.” Parents can gently remind them that thoughts are not facts, and encourage them to challenge these patterns. Focusing on the possibility of future, positive friendships can ease the weight of the present.
Academically Gifted Teens
Gifted or high-achieving teens may struggle to find like-minded peers in their school environment. Encourage them to seek activities outside of school - clubs, sports, or interest groups - where they may find their “tribe”. Reassure them that meaningful friendships often take time to build.
Transgender Teens
For transgender teens, friendships can feel even more layered as they navigate identity and social acceptance. Parents can support by keeping conversations open, curious, and affirming. Encourage them to think ahead about how they want to respond to questions from peers, while making sure they know they are loved and supported at home.
Final Thoughts
Teen friendships can be messy, confusing, and emotional, but they are also an essential part of growing up. These relationships teach young people about trust, loyalty, conflict, and forgiveness - skills that form the foundation of adult relationships later on.
As Anita reminded us, parents don’t need to fix everything. Instead, by listening with empathy, encouraging independence, and guiding reflection, you give your teen the tools they need to overcome friendships issues themselves. That’s the real goal: equipping them to thrive socially, emotionally, and personally as they grow.