Online and Under Pressure: Teen Anxiety, Body Image and Self-Esteem
Adolescence has always involved comparison, some self-doubt and a strong need to belong, but what’s changed is the intensity. Today’s teenagers are growing up with constant online exposure, peer pressure and standards that lack reality and are difficult to escape.
In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Dr Gemma Allison, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, talk about how online influences and peer dynamics affect teen anxiety, body image and self-esteem, and how parents can support their children without hovering, overcorrecting or closing conversations down.
Fitting in
Fitting in is a big part of adolescence. Teenagers are wired to seek approval from peers while also trying to work out who they are. They experiment with different versions of themselves, testing what feels acceptable and what gains belonging. This makes adolescents particularly persuadable. Feedbacks on how they should look, behave or be, can influence them, especially when they promise acceptance. Online spaces amplify this, with filtered, edited and algorithm-driven content making certain ideals feel normal and achievable, even when they are artificial or unrealistic.
Everyday worries
Teenagers experience many worries. What matters most is not whether they worry, but how long the worries last and how much space they take up. Parents may notice worries becoming constant rather than brief, thoughts dominated by fear or self-criticism, and changes in sleep, eating, friendships or enjoyment. Withdrawal from activities, stronger mood shifts, or feelings of worthlessness or helplessness can signal that worries are starting to alter how a young person sees themselves.
Fear, comparison and judgement
Fear of judgement can lead young people to change themselves to fit into a perceived mould, withdraw socially to avoid criticism, or judge others as a way of protecting themselves. Some teens become unfamiliar versions of themselves; others disappear from view altogether. These responses are their way of attempting to manage the level of perceived risk or threat.
Judging others
Hearing a teen speak critically about others can be surprising. While this behaviour needs addressing, it can reflect an underlying insecurity. Judgement can come from repeating peer or online language, trying to stay liked, or deflecting personal insecurity. Try using some curiosity when you ask questions like “I’ve not heard you talk like that before. Where did that come from?” or “If someone said that to you, how would it feel?” to open up a space for them to think about what they’re doing.
Supporting self-esteem
Self-esteem isn’t about constant positivity. It’s about knowing you can cope when things feel hard. Helpful approaches include validating a teen’s experience before challenging it, gently offering alternative perspectives, naming strengths linked to who they are rather than how well they perform, and acknowledging mistakes as part of being human. Balance matters. Teens respond better when they feel seen rather than corrected.
Everyday moments
Small, passing affirmations offered in the moment can feel more genuine than planned conversations, even if teens appear switched off. For deeper discussions, find calmer ways to help. A practical suggestion shared was using Post-it notes with reminders of strengths or kind observations; teens can read these when they suffer a moment of self-doubt. Parents often find their teen doesn’t believe positive feedback from them. Those messages still matter and are still registering, even if teens aren’t able to accept them.
Tricky friendships
Some teens remain in friendships that undermine them, either because they value parts of the relationship or feel unable to leave. Help your teen think about what keeps the friendship going, naming the emotional toll of the comments that hurt, helping teens see hurtful remarks as opinions rather than facts, and encouraging different friendships that feel safer. When behaviour becomes controlling or bullying, involving school may be necessary to protect their wellbeing.
Body-based teasing and avoidance
Teasing about body shape can be deeply damaging. Teens may wish to avoid confrontation for fear of repercussion which is understandable, but long-term avoidance can reinforce fear and shame. Parents may need to validate how painful the experience is, be clear that body-shaming is unacceptable, explore what would help the teen feel safer, and step in as adults if the teen cannot manage alone. Early intervention can prevent longer-term issues associated with their thoughts and beliefs about body image, exercise and eating.
Staying connected to the online world
Parents don’t need to know everything. Curiosity can be better than control. Helpful strategies include talking early about online life, learning together, agreeing shared boundaries and modelling them, and discussing how content feels during and after viewing. Understanding algorithms can help teens feel more empowered, as what they engage with shapes what they see.
Takeaway
The most powerful thing parents can do is notice. Notice changes, ask with curiosity, and keep the door slightly open. Teens don’t need perfect answers or instant solutions, they just need to know someone is paying attention, calmly, consistently and without judgement. Over time, that openness makes it more likely they will talk.
Watch Now
You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Gemma Allison on the hub, along with access to our extensive library of expert-led recordings.
Dr Gemma Allison also recommended the following resources:
A guide for parents and carers on managing children’s digital lives by the Children’s Commissioner
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