Back to School Anxiety: How to help your teen
The transition back to school after the summer holidays can be challenging for teenagers. New routines, teachers, friendships, academic pressures and simply getting used to the demands of a school day again can all contribute to stress and anxiety.
In our first live session of the new school year, we talked to our resident Clinical Psychologist, Dr Sarah-Jane Knight, about what back-to-school anxiety can look like, why even positive change can feel difficult, and what parents and carers can do to make those first few weeks a little easier.
Expect Them to Be Tired
One of Sarah-Jane’s first messages was simple: expect tiredness. Going from the relative freedom of the summer holidays to a full school day requires a big shift in concentration, organisation and mental effort. Teenagers may be more tired, irritable or snappy than usual as they adjust. Try to give them a little leeway. Keeping home life relatively calm and predictable, making sure there’s food they’ll eat and helping with some of the practicalities can reduce their mental load while they find their rhythm again.
Look Beyond the Obvious Signs of Anxiety
Back-to-school anxiety doesn't always look like anxiety. You might notice your teen dragging their heels in the morning, not wanting breakfast, being more irritable or withdrawn, sleeping poorly or needing much more downtime after school. Rather than focusing on one difficult day, look for changes in their usual patterns and give them some time to settle. For many teenagers, these early signs of stress will ease as school starts to feel familiar again.
Make Routines Visible
Structure can make change feel more manageable. A family calendar, visual timetable, phone reminders or simply having the week's commitments somewhere everyone can see can help teenagers feel more in control. It can also reduce nagging. Instead of repeatedly reminding them what time they need to leave or what they have tomorrow, you can point them towards the timetable and gradually hand responsibility back to them.
Some young people, including those with ADHD or executive functioning difficulties, may need this practical support for longer, and that's OK.
Don't Rush to Say "You'll Be Fine"
When our teenagers are anxious, our instinct is often to reassure them: “Don't worry, it'll be fine”, but reassurance can sometimes feel dismissive when a young person is genuinely worried. Instead, Sarah-Jane suggested acknowledging the feeling and getting curious about what's underneath it.
What exactly are they worried about? What feels difficult? Have they faced something similar before?
Reminding them of times they've coped with difficult situations can be more useful than simply telling them not to worry. It helps them recognise their own resilience and resourcefulness.
Listen, but Don't Let Worry Take Over the Evening
Some teenagers need to come home and download everything that went wrong during their day. Listening matters, but repeatedly going over the same worries can sometimes make them feel bigger.
If the whole evening is becoming dominated by negative school talk, try putting some gentle boundaries around it. Give them 10 or 15 minutes to offload, acknowledge that something was difficult and then help them move on to something else. And look for the small wins. “That sounds really stressful, but you stayed in the lesson and got through it.”
You're not dismissing the difficult experience; you're helping them notice how they coped with it too.
Break Overwhelming Days into Bite-Sized Chunks
If your teen is dreading the entire school day, help them stop thinking about it as one enormous block.
What's the first lesson? When is break? Is there somewhere quieter they can go at lunchtime? What are they looking forward to when they get home?
The same applies to homework and revision. Twenty minutes of work followed by a break can feel far more manageable than thinking about three hours of studying.
Breaking difficult things into smaller pieces helps teenagers see that they don't have to cope with everything at once.
Try Not to Let Avoidance Take Over
When a teenager is genuinely anxious about school, allowing them to avoid whatever is worrying them can feel like the kindest response. But avoidance can reinforce anxiety and make returning feel even harder.
Instead, think about what might make the situation manageable enough for them to face it. That might mean breaking the day into smaller steps, agreeing where they can take some quiet time, or speaking to school about practical adjustments. If your teen is really struggling, keeping communication open with their form tutor or school can be helpful.
Friendship Worries Can Feel Huge
The social landscape can change considerably over a summer. Friendships may have shifted, some teenagers may have spent more time together and social media means young people can be very aware of what they've missed.
Try not to jump in and fix friendship problems unless you really need to. Instead, be available to listen and help your teen think situations through.
Sometimes talking about your own experiences, or those of someone they know, can also help normalise the friendship ups and downs that are such a common part of adolescence.
A Little Nurturing Goes a Long Way
Supporting a teenager doesn't always require a big conversation.
Their favourite snack, a hot chocolate waiting when they get home, watching something together, giving them a lift or simply making home feel like somewhere they can decompress can all make a difference. Even if you're not there when they get home, a message letting them know you're thinking of them or leaving something comforting ready for them can provide that same sense of nurture.
Give Them Time to Adjust
In our live parent poll:
45% said their teenager had a few worries but was generally OK
37% said it was hard to tell because their teen wasn't saying much
9% said their teen was already settled and happy to be back
and 9% were really struggling
So, if your teenager isn't bounding through the door delighted to be back, they're certainly not alone.
For some young people, particularly those starting Year 7/9 or facing other significant changes, settling in may take several weeks. Be patient, keep home as supportive and predictable as you can, and don't feel you need to solve everything immediately.
And remember that these transitions are new for parents too. As Sarah-Jane reminded us, we're learning and adjusting alongside our children. We won't always get it right, and our teenagers don't need us to be perfect. Sometimes what they need most is a little more patience, a little less pressure and the reassurance that home remains a safe place to land while they find their feet again.
Watch Now
Watch the full session with Dr Sarah-Jane Knight on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.